you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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