so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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