She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
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This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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