i just had sex bonerless
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
