Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
