youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
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it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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