so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
