Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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