I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
