dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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