you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
