he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
