Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
