Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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