I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize