He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
