For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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