Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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