the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
