I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
