He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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