I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
