I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
