An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
