he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
