sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
