You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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