people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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