Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
