dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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