You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
