I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If I die, sorry about rent.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
