you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
