I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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