WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
