my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
