I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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