I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
