u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
