my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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