I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
