And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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