I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
