My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
