Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
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i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
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Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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