What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
