i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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