Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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