i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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