i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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