I wish life had little blips of pornography
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
