I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize