he referred to my room as the tit cave...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
