ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Randomize
