guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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