Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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