drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
