never play flip cup with pint glasses
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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