Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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